University City – The Rotting Gentry

This is an investigation of the powers that be in West Philadelphia, PA. West Philly. West Illadelphia. West Philthy. Home of The Roots, KRS-One, Will Smith and Dick Clark. Wait, what? Yes, apparently American Bandstand, the teen whitey show that launched Dick Clark’s career, was filmed in West Philly. Who knew? But the secrets of the land west of the Schuylkill (translation: rushing and roaring waters) go much deeper, and that’s what we’re here for. We are the maniacs digging up the dirt in plain sight. After all, if you were an evil megalomaniacal corporation masquerading as an academic institution, you’d probably want to brag about what you were doing, right? The landed gentry (read: yuppies, liberals, etc) have been encouraged, poked, proddled, and deeply subsidized in order to ensure a University City bubble (aka rich white safety zone) around the family jewels. Now, granted, Philadelphia is sorely lacking in social services, so it makes sense that the corporatocracy (read: University City District) would step in and provide services, like street cleaning, buffing graffiti, de-flyering, 24/7 security forces (read: yellow jacketed Allied Barton employees, 95% of whom are black and paid less than $15/hr), and real estate support services, namely marketing campaigns. More on all of this later, of  course, but by now you should be tasting something sickly sweet, or notoriously bitter in your mouth…probably depending on your upbringing and requisite class-consciousness. As the University City District creeps onwards, as theives in the night, venturing further and further westward until Lansdowne is a stone’s throw away, we too must creep into the minds of every single person contemplating buying that gorgeous old house in that sketchy neighborhood that’ll probably turn around in a few years…go forth, multiply, and sow the seeds of dissent and disgust.

end university city